If there’s one thing I should take away from all of this, it is that life is a funny and interesting thing. At least it keeps me happy and smiling, and who could ever complain with that?!?
I’ve been having some small chats with some new friends lately, and it’s been bringing light to those “good ole days” of high school, reminding me of who I once was, how I grew, and where I am today.
I’ve realized that my time away from that little beloved bubble I call home–with all its small-town, white middle-class Catholic values and upbringings and happy people–has, although comforting, expanded my horizons. Nonetheless, leaving any sort of bubble allows you to see more–you can’t get away from it.
In just a year and a half, I can feel how I myself have already changed. In a sense, I’m much more free-spirited now, not really giving a care for the small miniscule meaningless things of life, and I more openly enjoy people and interactions. Heck, I go out to the randomest places and put myself in the weirdest situations and love it all at the same time! I guess my weird, radical nature that was hidden by all my shyness is starting to make imprints now… A lot of the stuff I do may not make sense, but, when do I ever do something that doesn’t make sense in my own mind? These are my hidden motives, I suppose…
All of the infatuation and adoration I experienced in high school has grown to an entire new level at college. I sometimes laugh at the things that have happened to me, simply because I never do anything and just live my life and, somehow, people are intrigued by that. It’s definitely been a test of my humility and, as I am not blind to what’s happening around me–at least I’d like to say so–I’ve been seeing how people are and how they interact. I’ve been introduced to many different peoples and characters from all these different walks of life and upbringings, that it makes me feel that much more blessed to have had my own upbringing. Also, perhaps all of this “positive reinforcement” that is always thrown upon me, whether it’s just for me being me or if someone may actually be supporting my own artistic/musical/writing endeavours, is a sign that people do pay attention to me. I’ve always grown up as one of those quiet girls who kept to herself who didn’t think people really noticed her (when they really did, Kairos taught me that) and who always felt she had something to say… All this positive attention, just for being me, for interacting with me, for admiring whatever nonsense I conjure up on my blogs, or for liking what you hear when I play my guitar… I’ve got an artist’s soul. And I just want to put that to good use. Maybe all this seemingly “effortless attention” is a sign for me to just get out there and be me, without getting those other preventive ideas in my head…. *I’ll still blame school for taking a lot of that away from me though.
“Stay positive and be humble.” That’s my mantra for the time being. And, maybe just something to take with me throughout life. I’ve always been told I’m a humble person, and it’s probably because I just never see what other people see in me… (You guys are all cray! And, it may be because I still lack confidence even though I have a lot of it at the same time….) But, staying humble throughout this entire process in my life… this entire “journey” or what have you… will allow me the opportunity to grow. It’ll allow me to be the best me I can be, because I won’t be all stuck-up or hung over the idea that I’m “all that”. (Oh, God forbid the day I ever say that! I’m too self-deprecating and self-pitying to ever think some thing… Ha hah!)
But, nonetheless, it’s okay to not take things so seriously all the time. Have fun while you’re living the life you live, and be humble. Life’s too short to stress out on the small things! — Let people be infatuated over you, act irrationally with you, take advantage of your “goodness” or “niceness”… Just know your limits, and know who you are. Let you be you throughout it all. And smile. Ever heard of that saying that the world smiles back at you when you smile? That couldn’t be more true.
* gotta love 3 a.m. banter