Let’s say you’re walking down a street. You’re in your old neighborhood, seeing the same sights and the same sort of people you’ve grown up seeing. Maybe there are young families taking their kids out to eat, dine, lay under the sun; you see high school teenagers taking over the shopping mall. But, you find that instead of it being you as the one eating, dining, shopping or laying under the sun, you’re watching. You’re not the one engaging in these old-time activities like you used to. You’ve found yourself separated. Grown old. Or maybe it doesn’t suffice.
Some time ago, during my mid-to-late first year of high school, something dawned on me. While high school angst was taking over my soul and anxiety crept up my back, something took refuge in my soul. Whether it be a cure for loneliness or anxiety or uncertainty–who knows. But, music had found its way into my heart unlike any other feeling I had known. It was strange, but beautiful. It was painful, but left me hopeful.
About a year ago, a good friend of mine told me,
“A dream is only a dream as long as it is not achieved.”
Something about that quote stuck with me. It was as if the concept of a dream was so simple, especially if it’s something that has left you on an emotional roller-coaster of a ride your first year of college, and you find yourself meeting with this dream ever too often in your waking life.
Growing up in a small-town with a small family and a blessedly wonderful and good and faithful community, you can bet that, although this town has shaped me, it has also left me. As soft-spoken and shy and sometimes sentimental, getting out and really making something of myself has been something I’ve wanted to do ever since I discovered something I became passionate about, as others encouraged it in me so very often. Pursuing music never seemed realistic, yet, the more and more I surround myself with the likes of musicians and role models and seeing things work its way from the ground up, everything seemed more feasible. The veil of “success” vanished as I uncovered the truths of getting somewhere–whether it be getting behind-the-scenes of deconstructing the movie-making process, the recording of an album, or living a life on the road on tour. Heck, befriending and having the musicians I’ve grown up with and looked up to for all of my musically-loving life (since I was 12) actually know me and be able to have conversations with from time-to-time was something I’d never dream up (thank you Meg & Dia for your utter inspiration, power, and friendship over the years).
I find that, if something has the power to make you utterly sad–because you’re not living the life you “dream” or you find yourself a “hopeless cause” or “utter rut” because you feel like you’re “not going anywhere” or “know anybody” who can be of any help in the business–then, that’s telling you something. But, if that something has the power to also take over your mind from time to time–such as having wide imaginations, big dreams, thoughts, or you find yourself living your daily life in the act or hope of meeting with this dream, and it makes you very happy–then, that’s telling you something as well.
Love, to me, whether between two people or for a cause or belief, is always bound to make you feel all kinds of emotions. You hurt, you cry, you question, you doubt, you wonder, you hope, you disappoint, you surpass, you believe, you love, you surprise, you are happy. When love is true–in sickness and in health–you are happy to be in love. You wouldn’t trade it for anything else, and you wouldn’t want to remove it from your life. Love has become your life.
Now, when it comes to having dreams and love–it’s all one and the same. If you find yourself loving something that much, you find your passion for it. It can hurt, but it can heal, too. And that’s what music is to me. Although I’ve pained myself many times, I know that I can never let it go. I know that it’s where I want to go. And, if it’s been on my mind for almost more than 6 years now, I couldn’t be any more damn sure of myself.
It’s easy to give up on your dreams, and it may be even harder to achieve them. When you make your dream a part of your lifestyle rather than something “to achieve,” you let go of that unfeasible little idea in your head, and realize yourself living and being proactive with it. It may be easy to give up on dreams, but it’s even harder to accept yourself giving up on them.
Only thing I can say now, is to let the insecurities down, and just live your dream. Live your love. Because love is your life–don’t deprive yourself of it.