My Testimonial to The Bachelorette, on Love, Reciprocity and Uncertainty

SPOILER ALERT: Before I have to apologize for anything, take this as a warning!


If you like, you can shoot me in the face for watching cheesy television. But just know that that won’t stop me.

When it comes to the things I invest myself in, I have a tendency of looking for the sincerity and genuineness in things. And when it comes to stories and television and interactions between different people and personalities, I can’t help but fall in love with the stories of people. Aside from all the cheesiness or corniness of things, there’s a real genuine intention underneath all actions. And we have to respect that.

When it comes to shows like The Bachelorette, I can be classified as one of those hardcore indie chicks who gawks at cheesy romantic gestures that are all for show and never genuine. Though, deep down, I know that there’s a part of me who is a total girl and loves the fairy tale and can see and feel the genuineness of an action or motive. As “flowered” or “dressed up” as things may be, you can’t hide the truth–and this season of The Bachelorette is really something special.

I have to admit that I don’t have much of a history of watching this show. Just last winter, I got notice of a Filipina contestant (Catherine Giudici) on The Bachelor (who then won) as I then proceeded to write an article for BakitWhy on it and resorted to watching the show myself. Nothing about its characters really drew me except for one. The episode I got to see was the infamous Hometown dates with 4 contestants left, and the one who was sent home was Desiree (Des) Hartsock. There was an immediate quality that drew me to her. I sensed a vulnerability and genuine good-heartedness; she had this shy quality overcome with a passion for the arts; and she was one of the only down-to-earth people I saw on the show. And, as connections with stories and characters are what draw people to watching these shows, I bonded a sort of connection and relation to her. I saw so much of myself in her.

Before this strays away from getting to the main point of tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette, I was sucked into this season because of my seeing so much of myself in her. Seeing her go on all of these dates and meeting these guys really does have its charm; what girl doesn’t like fairy tales and stories of love and heartache while learning a little bit of something for your own personal life on the way too?

imageNow, when it comes to finalist Mr. Brooks Forester, there was something between her and him I noticed from the get-go. There was an immediate sense of ease and comfort, and you could tell every outing between them was genuine. She genuinely loved being around him and looked forward to her dates with him moreso than the others. I could just tell, watching episode upon episode of dates with different guys and seeing how she is. But just as she and all of the guys had to endure, they had to go on with the concept of the show and wait ’til the guys number down one by one, week by week.

Des has such genuine intentions, and from the beginning we found that she has had trouble with past relationships because her ex had troubles communicating with her–whether it was saying “I love you” first, or complimenting her or just being open with her. She realized then that she needed someone who can communicate with her. (Talk about similarity, ya?!) She’s also someone whose been independent for all her life and has realized how much her heart can love, and has never known what it was like to be loved or have her love reciprocated.

Tonight, she admitted what we all sensed (or, me at least) for a while now. “I’ve been conflicted because I was saving my heart for you,” she reveals chokingly. She couldn’t love the other guys as much as she could Brooks because her heart was already made up for him. She revealed earlier that she was already in love with him–yet, Brooks was still figuring his own feelings out.

Impressively, Brooks entered the competition with the right intentions and motives. He’s a good guy. At this point, I feel that the remaining guys stand no chance. Des loves Brooks, and Brooks loves Des too–just not at the same level. And it’s that that hurts–loving someone more than they love you. And for poor Brooks, he can’t force himself to love someone or even commit to a proposal in just a short span of 9-weeks. Sometimes, for people, it just takes time, and this may have been too much for him.

Although there is speculation and perhaps hope for us all that Brooks breaks up with Des tonight, realizes what he has done as Des reveals to him that she loves him, and he comes running back to Des with all the love in his heart. But, there’s still a sadness in that–a doubt and uncertainty that is uncurable, no matter how much we may love the idea of it. Honesty hurts, but it’s for the best. And, as much as I love Brooks and Des with Brooks, I hope the right feelings and intentions go forth, and honest feelings are said.

If Des were a smart girl, she wouldn’t settle for someone she doesn’t wholly love. Her heart was already made up.

Now, why do I see so much of myself in this?

Any thoughts? Am I the only one who watches this?


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