Hi all,
It’s been a while since I’ve written a regular blog post on here. Shame on me, because ever since I was 12 I’ve written pretty frequently on here and have regularly shared my weekly whereabouts, wanderings, and realizations navigating young adulthood and my twenties. But now, in my 30s, that’s all seemed to slow down as I’ve somehow embraced a real era of “adulting.”
As the end of the year approaches, I thought it’d be a good time to set some intentional time aside to take a look back and reflect on the highs and lows of this year. A lot’s happened, even if it may look like very little has happened on the outside, only because my output has taken a backseat (I’ve recorded less guitar videos, wrote less blog posts, worked on less music, and published only a few travel posts and music reviews).
To put it simply, I’ve been working.
For someone who has spent 10+ years as a freelance most-of-the-times-writing-for-free music journalist, photographer and interviewer after graduating with two majors as a student at the University of California, Irvine in 2015, to leaving her hometown to start anew in Los Angeles with just her guitar and two suitcases in her car in 2017, to intimately learning the music industry whilst hustling for 4+ years as a coffee shop barista, social media guru and part-time manager, I quit all that by the end of 2021 and set my sights on something new, more honest, real and authentic to me, my energy and way of life as a woman in her late twenties who’s lived a lot, learned a lot about herself, and wanted to make the conscious effort to do things that didn’t drain her or cause her to burnout.
As a creative, my way of life isn’t always typical or well understood, but that’s just the way of an artist. Come to meet many other freelancing artists out here who are on the same page, either highly successful and thriving, or still trying to figure it all out (but enjoying the ride in the process).
I’ve always believed that the way you live and approach your life is an art, in and of itself.
The way you spend your mornings, soaking up sunlight, going for walks, just to get your mind and body right; the way you eat consciously and intentionally, because food is a life-giving force and what you put in your body becomes you, so don’t fill it with trash; the way you are inspired by the ocean and water and how connected you feel to the outdoors truly speaks to you; or the way you meet people through music, song, on set or in conversation, connecting with others and realizing we all have our own little stories and gifts that make us who we are, with no shame given, because we are all doing this thing called life together (and have all met here together for some strange cosmic reason).
Come April of this year, I decided to dabble back into the world of working on set. Heck, I’m in Los Angeles and whenever I was in-between jobs, I could always find random gigs here and there to pay me for my time laughing, clapping, or being a body in the back of a scene. And, ever since then, the opportunities and doors have opened. I’ve been working enough to pay my bills every month, while meeting lots of great and new people and friends. It’s always a humbling experience to work jobs where you’re not necessarily treated the best or given any special treatment, because you’re able to develop a real human kindness for all people. We’re all replaceable, but what I’ve recognized is that people recognize your loyalty, kindness, humor, enthusiasm. If you show up. If you show up late. If you’re accountable. If you’re a good person. If you’re a good person to be around. If you’re worthy of being a friend. If you’re chill enough to hang with. If you’re fun to work with.
I’ve always been a people person, behind my love for writing and playing music, because building that community and creating shared experiences has always been a deep love of mine — ever since I started Filipino folk dancing for a dance company at the ages of 12-22, or led my fellow student peers through dance showcases as a club leader, or was just a friendly confidant to trusted friends. I’ve always been an open person who was willing to give an ear, especially to those who may feel a little left out, because I’ve known that the feeling that someone has your back and can truly see where you’re coming from or understand what you’re going through, even if you just need a friend, goes a long way.
All that to say, I’ve worked on a countless number of sets and productions throughout the year, from very featured roles to a face in the background or an audience member, but I’ve loved it and the friends I’ve made along the way. Somehow, a part of me thinks that we’re all doing this to satiate some weird sort of creative manic energy, by disregarding the status quo and corporate America, to be able to pursue our careers, passions, or pipeline dreams. Maybe it’s a side hobby or gig to pass the time, but we all have our stories. Even if this is the “in-between” phase, we might as well enjoy the ride and all the people and connections we make along the way, for better or worse.
For me, these past few months have been a big period of absorption. Although my creative output has slowed down, I’ve been working and connecting and socializing, and that fills my natural human need for security and community. As all things in life, life itself needs to fuel my creativity. I can’t quite draw from anything if I’m not fully showing up for or living my life (and on the flip side, if I’m working too much). I believe through periods of absorption come expression, and I cannot wait until the time is right to create and dive into these unfinished projects.
As up-and-down as this time and industry may be, it both excites and stresses me out. What’s the next project? How can I not work paycheck to paycheck? What will they have me do now? I’ve made some great friends.
It’s important to set your sights on those long-term goals and dreams. And my love for music will always stay present. Perhaps I’m just looking for new ways to express and find myself, for I’ve been playing the guitar for 15+ years and have reached a place where I seek growth.
At the end of the day, I just want to share my light, love and outlook on this world. I have met many people with their own stories and backgrounds, where I feel I can shine a light and a voice on perhaps a new way to look at things. Ways to be kinder to yourself, gentler, and see life and this world in a more positive way (even though there may be a lot to be unhappy about). I’ve always been an relentless optimist who believes the beauty in this world can be found if you really look for it, and are self-aware enough to unpack your own things to see the light.
Whether it’s through music, written word, photography, portraits, video or film, I hope I can be an extension of the light and love, truth and sensuality we all feel. Life is too short to become bogged down. by daily tribulations, but when you can awake yourself to the light, you can begin to see the world in a whole new way.
Trust me, for my uncertain years of 2022 and 2023, I went through many deep dark cycles of trying to fight through what wasn’t working and how could I find purpose and passion in my life again. I fell in love, but I fell out of love with the goals or career I had set to find for myself. Everything was changing, and I wanted to find something that felt right.
So what am I grateful for the year of 2024? Honestly, as cheesy as it may sound, may it be my health, love, and happiness. My ability to run; my freedom in my schedule; my opportunities for work; the connections I’ve made and friends I’ve built; and my love who has stayed strong, sure and steadfast. Life is always a ride, and I’m happy to have my love by my side through it all.
With love and honesty,
Rachel
beauty within 