…but I’ve always done what was “right” and “good” in my life.
When friends come up to me, they often praise and compliment me for who I am and what I’ve done–as the kind of girl their kid can look up to, someone who’s handled herself well, who they’ve seen as a role model to follow their passions, live honestly, and as someone who’s grown into a young woman and stayed a sweetheart. I’ve heard it before.
Now that I’ve graduated college and am freed from any chains or obligations set on me, I’ve nothing to hold onto. No expectations. No obligations. No reputations. Nothing.
I’ve had a sort of revelation lately and questioned, “Does it really make me happy to know that I’ve always done ‘good?’ Done whatever was ‘right?’ Like I’m a role model for others to look up to?”
Yes, it is flattering and nice to hear all of these things. And I truly take to heart what others have to say. But perhaps at 22 and in the minds of all other individuals trying to grow up, I want to experience new things.
To make mistakes, to mess up, to put myself in weird situations only to grow from them…
Life is a process of continually getting to know yourself and–in the mean time–growing more and more into yourself. Your true self. To find your soul’s purpose.
I’ve realized that there was never any real good in trying to uphold an idea of who you think you are when you’re still trying to figure out who that person is.
I’m 22. I just graduated college. And I’ve no need to settle down and worry about making things work.
I’ve just gotta live. If even for a little.