To Begin, Again

To begin again.

I’ve always lived my life on the go. Here or there, across the state and back. My friends and family can barely keep up with me because right when I’m comfy in one place, I’m off to the next! Ha, but there’s a bit of an allure to a life unattached, with the freedom to roam, write, and soak things in.

As I was watching the new Gilmore Girls revival and saw Rory come back home because she had been a traveling journalist and her hometown welcomed her back saying, “I knew you’d be back,” the parallels kept coming.

“I’m only here temporarily,” I’d say to my friends, while Rory repeated that to every other person in her town as well. (Seriously, what is this mirror this show has shown to me lol.)

And then it hit me.

I’ve realized just how privileged a life I’ve been given. I’ve been filled with so much love and community and opportunities and experience, to make a home wherever I go. And with privilege often comes responsibility.

“I’d finally come to understand what it had been: a yearning for a way out, when actually what I had wanted to find was a way in.”

I had come across the book Wild on one of my walks around my neighborhood. I picked it up, decided to dive into it and rewatched the movie which I hadn’t seen since 2014. Cheryl Strayed reminded me a lot of myself. It brought back all my love of the outdoors, of strong female protagonists, solo female travel and the joy of soul searching.

For so long, I’ve dedicated myself to temporary living situations. Here and there, until I felt the time was right to move on. I’ve grown up in one home my entire life, and it’s funny I find myself always asking, “What is it you’re looking for?”

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that everything you have and will ever need is already with you. You just have to make the choice to commit to it, and see it.

Home is a place you create within yourself — where you feel most at peace and truly yourself. And sometimes, it’s with the people around you, the community you’re a part of, family, loved ones, the space you’ve made for yourself and the place you can rest your head and say, “This is where I belong.”

Right here, at this moment, “This is home.”

How wild it was, and still is, to let it be.

With love and honesty,

Rachel

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