I miss my drunken sheets and sappy romances. I miss my days grown old and veiled eyes. I miss the innocence and naivete, the silliness and stupidity.
I miss my teenage angst.
Have you ever wondered how much your outlook can change when you look back on high school-you and see college-you?
Have you ever realized how important character, behavior, and the trivial little beliefs and dreams you had were while in high school?
Do you remember yourself aiming to be that “girl I would take home to my parents,” or that “girl who was wise beyond her years”? That girl who was meant for so much more than her little life could ever offer her?
People saw a glimmer in your eyes. A sign of hope, love, and faith. An unbecoming kind of pool of love, hidden behind your insecurities.
And, when you look at yourself today, do you worry more about how the world sees you? Are your friends and peers more interested in what you do than the kind of person you have built yourself up to be?
When life was once a bucket full of dreams, garnished with pretty trinkets and cool-looking gadgets, your life now is like a bucket-list or resume full of the things you have done that “legitimize you” for a successful future.
But, where has the charm gone? What for the glimmer in the eye, the hopeless pining for your one, sacred love? Reality has come, seeing the real ugly world for what the real beautiful world really is.
So, I miss feeling the excitement of publishing a video to YouTube, in hopes that someone will recognize a talent. I miss feeling that uncoveted joy of figuring myself out through the little dreams, fears, and feelings happening through my writing. I miss seeing that movie I connected with on a deeper level, that made me pine for true love and feel better about my character, attitude, and personality towards love, patience, and all the little things movies can tell you…
Me. Winter 2009.
I miss feeling creative, and imaginative, and dreamy and vulnerable. I miss the child within me, when all I am now is some human, making real marks in the real world, thinking of the days she were a child again…