A whole night of my confusion and stressing and my period and second-guessing my fan-girling over my interview tonight and whether I should have posted the video or not, and how impersonal the interview felt over the phone since it’s hard to connect with individuals when it’s not in person…

My whole confusion and delirium tonight just taught me a lot. And really affirmed some things for me. I’m going to list out a few of them for you.

1. It’s hard to connect when you’re not face-to-face.
2. There was no real room for me to comment on myself, so I asked my questions dutifully and respectfully, honestly like I planned. It was very straight-forward and she answered well.
3. At the same time, nothing really shocked or surprised me because I, in a way, knew what she was going to say—because I’ve followed her career for so long.
4. I understand now that the reason I feel it was so “incomplete” is that I wasn’t being myself. I give myself reasons that I was so dead/it was over the phone.
5. She had breakfast with a friend before the interview, which naturally eases/loosens you up, which kind of surprised me at how enthusiastic/outspoken she was over the phone (because usually she’s more reserved). Naturally, I would be the same way being with friends before a stressful situation—I need some socializing to loosen me up!
6. I hate that I’m overthinking everything.
7. But at the same time, my period-infused talk with my period-infused roommate made me realize that that just shows that I care.
8. I wanted to do such a good job to be professional, ask the right questions… And I did.
9. But I forgot one thing: To be myself.
10. I should have opened up with being honest about myself and where I’m coming from…. “First things first, I just want to say that I feel so grateful to be able to talk with you right now, because I’ve actually been following your music since I was a little girl. I’m a huge supporter and fan and it’s really great to talk to you today.”
11. She even told me that it’s heart-warming to have the support of her long-time fans because it’s like, “Oh, hello old friend. Wanna get some coffee?” when you see them at a show. It’s different when you have someone whose followed your music and career for so long—like they know you. And that’s heart-warming.
12. My only thing is: Why didn’t I let her know who was actually speaking with her on the other end?
13. That I was that girl who auditioned for “Dia’s biggest fan in LA” that Mike took notice of and she even said she would have chosen me? That I was that girl at Meg’s first Unique LA event the entire day? Who Mike even let me have this interview with you for…
14. I just sounded like a dead-pan dutiful college student writing a paper, interested in her career and music and had good questions, but with  no feeling. Mostly her talking and me agreeing. Like any other phone interview would be (if it wasn’t someone like me).
15. I just wasn’t being honest to myself—and when it comes to interviewing, the first thing you have to do and show is how much you’re genuinely interested. I was too worried about being “right” and doing “good”… that I just forgot to be myself.

Definitely lesson learned for next time (and how to better approach phone interviews).

Luckily, early on in college as I would hear from professionals lecturing at talks, they would say, “When you’re young, that’s the only time you can be forgiven for your mistakes. You can ask the most questions and they [jobs] won’t judge you.”

Which is the period I am at right now. I can look stupid and make mistakes—because I’m trying so hard to do the right thing/be good/maintain their trust—that it’s okay if I slip up. I’m still learning.

Clearly, one, this shows how much I care; two, how much of an impression I wanted to make (and the lack of I made instead, in hopes of doing “good”); and three, always show yourself and where you’re coming from. People want to know who you are and have trust in you.

And honestly: Own up to who you are. Everyone starts off a fan. I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t a fan. They knew I was a fan from the get-go, but he/the manager saw potential in me and started to befriend me. I’ve followed her career for so long and if I fan-girl, it doesn’t matter. I was a fan and always was. It’s fine if I fangirl. It’s how I feel and I should own how much I care—it just means that I care that much.

Okay. End rant. Back to midterms studying before I fail.

(I’m probably going to regret posting this impulsive post, just like I was going to delete my IG video before I realized that I should own my impulses and feelings and let people see me for me. There’s no room to hide! Which is why I am probably going to leave this post on here… Like my roommate said, why do I like Miley Cyrus? Why do I like Dia Frampton? And why do I not so much like Taylor Swift? It’s because the first two are who they are and own it.  And if I look up to the first two being who they are, I should own who I am as well… with all my embarrassing fan-girling and embarrassing stressing over this one single incident, on the night of my midterm studying while on my period… ha! I swear, if it were anyone else, I’d be completely fine. But the fact that I’ve known them for so long/grew up on them… For some reason, it affects me more and I can’t quite grasp why.)

Goodness, has today been quite the day…..