Can you believe it’s already December?
When I look back at what these past couple of months — or even year — have brought me, I’m surprised. A lot can happen in a short period of time that it can be strange to find yourself saying you don’t even recognize who that person was at the beginning of the year.
I went through lots of periods and bouts of inspiration or desperation this year. As an ambitious little dreamer who turned into a career-obsessed workaholic throughout college, postgrad led me to struggle with finding that passion and motivation that drove my previous work.
But as home can often be a retreat — an oasis away from the “big city” and friends and people who used to surround me 24/7 — I feel very blessed to have this fickle period in my life. I have enough “wiggle room” to try whatever I want without anyone to judge my actions; I have enough youth to give me the energy to attack whatever it is I want; and I have this freedom to plunge into the activities I so desire.
The scariest part? Being honest with myself. I almost feel as if I am throwing everything away –thirteen years of good, paid education in private Catholic schools and four years at a well-respected UC — just because I want to pursue more creative pursuits.
Many kind souls have reached out to me within the year. I began the year with online friends and secret admirers who constantly support my work and growth; then came the mentorship of a musician who I’ve always looked up to; the bandmates whose pure love and joy of music is unrivaled; and the people who have unexpectedly popped up in my life offering me new opportunities, ventures, and even allowing me to feel new things I haven’t quite felt before…
But before this gets too unnecessarily long, I want to end on this note:
I have learned that as someone who always seemed to do “the right thing” and was always told she was “special” her whole life but never believed it, you can spend your life trying to find that “something” that will answer whatever it is you’re looking for. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re looking for. And you’ll find you will always be searching. But I think that’s what makes life interesting.
That drive and curiosity to do more, be more and engage more is what life is all about. No amount of success or accomplishment can mean anything without anyone to share that with.
I have sometimes let my focus on my career and work let my personal relationships and friendships go on the back burner. (You can say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.) But when you find your own with the people who are like your own, that can make all the difference.
Balance is everything. And at 23-years-old, I have the liberty and freedom to be able to say that I am still learning, adjusting and getting to know how exactly to prioritize my time and efforts to give things their due time… The time to hide isn’t now. There is no time to be “ready.” There was never any use in waiting for a “right time” because there never was one… I’m beginning to find my old self again, but just a little more grownup, and maybe a little bit hungrier and a little more aware of what she has to do… I know that much is true. ❤
Also, I am hoping to post a new video at least once a week (consistency is key, right?). Send along any song or video ideas at me… I’m game! 🙂