Do you believe that timing is everything or working your way to make life work with timing?
People have always asked me, “When will you ever give someone a chance?”
That question has haunted me for so long. I’ve thought of so many reasons as to why I haven’t, why I couldn’t, why I never…
“You’re picky,” they assume. “You have high standards.”
Yeah. Maybe I do have high standards for myself, but only because I know that I deserve the best. I value myself enough to know that I never want to settle for anything less than what I deserve. And owning up to that idea of accepting what’s best for yourself is an empowering act in itself.
Self-love (yeah, I preach about self-love a whole lot; probably my motto for life) is empowering. When you choose to love yourself first before you love another, you’re allowing yourself to be the best version of you without putting any false expectations on another. (500 Days of Summer taught us that expectations are always different from reality, yeah?)
People may want to be in relationships because maybe they feel lonely; they want to fill a void; want someone to take care of them; feel better about themselves. But that’s toxic. That’s not coming from a healthy place.
I’ve always believed that you attract what you are. When you love your life, good things come to you; when you don’t, it’s easy to turn good things away.
In the past, I may have turned down good prospects because I was too focused on myself. (“People want to love you but they don’t know how,” a friend told me in college.) And to be honest, I think my mind was just never focused on an “us.” When it’s not there, you can’t force it. You can’t force an “us” when one isn’t even thinking about it.
Another part of me thinks people only came to me because they wanted something from me. People would tell me they like who they are when they’re around me or feel they could be better versions of themselves. “You add value to my life just by knowing you,” one told me recently (which I have to say is entirely humbling). But that’s it. It’s humbling. As all relationships are two-sided, I wanted to feel as if I could become someone through being with you, too.
I know I probably have no say on this matter since I haven’t been in a long-term relationship, but I only say this because I’ve found that the one time I felt myself wanting to open myself up to someone that deeply was when I found myself not only wanting to be with them, but loving who I was becoming with them.
In the past year, I found myself in a situation where someone came to me out of the blue. There were no expectations, no anticipations. Nothing. Just the two of us conversing. And when it became so easy and natural and our relationship progressed right before my eyes, I was shocked. My heart was so full. My eyes lit up. I became so smitten that I had to ask myself: Should I keep my cool? Should I stay at a distance? Do I ask where this is going? How did I even begin to like this guy?!
I realized it was because we had deep mutual respect for one another. We weren’t seeking anything out of each other; we weren’t looking for answers to ourselves; heck, we weren’t even expecting anything to come of it. We simply loved being around each other.
But sometimes timing never adds up. As you can’t force anything in this life (situations, people, how someone else feels, thinks or acts), you have to let yourself walk away and focus on more important things — loving and respecting yourself enough to put yourself first. And you know how I’ve always believed that you can only love someone else when you learn to love yourself?
Someone once told me that luck is when opportunity meets good preparation. This can happen when a dream job arrives the moment you’ve been rejected by thousands and kept treading on; or maybe even when a perfect match pops into your life and you’ve been working and preparing yourself to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Finding success in life or in love is almost like luck — it happens at the right time and at the right moment when you least expect it but have spent a good deal of your time and energy working towards it.Let’s face it: we’re all human and want to be loved. I’ve always been pretty positive about Valentine’s Day because I’ve always thought of it as the one day in the year when the world forces you to realize and recognize the love you have in your life — with yourself, your family, friends, a significant other.
Don’t wait for the better moment — when the better job arrives, the lover arrives, the new home or long-awaited gift. Life is meant to be lived and chased for now. Be the person you want to love and that will find you.
And trust that when something is meant to happen, it will happen. Time will tell because timing is everything.
Happy Valentine’s Day (and Love Yourself Always Day), lovebirds!
With love and honesty,
Update 2/16/17: I realize I had left this post a little vague and didn’t let you all know where my heart is this Valentine’s… or year in general. Thank you to a longtime fan and supporter for the flower delivery, and thank you especially to someone for inspiring me with the heart emoji. That one’s for you!