I’ve always been a bit of a workaholic.
I always feel the need to be moving, growing, changing and serving some sort of purpose…
A couple of weeks ago, I started to burn out from work. (My part-time hours have gone from 20 to 30+ a week, with my burnout happening when I worked 7 days in a row.) I hadn’t given myself enough time for my writing or music, so I angrily picked up my guitar in fury and wrote, just because it was the one thing I could always turn to when I was a 13-year-old girl who felt she had no one to lean on.
That day, I realized just how hard it was for me to feel fully present in my day-to-day life. I approached my days as if I was just getting through another day–that this whole period was just one temporary cloud where I’m waiting for my next “move” and that this current life I’m living isn’t real.
A dear friend of mine once told me:
“You’re one of those girls who’s been told you were special your whole life, but you never believed it.”
I realized that a part of me has always been scared of opening up to people because I was afraid of someone seeing me–in all my bane glory and existence–and feeling that I wasn’t “special” anymore. That I had lost my “wonder.”
During this time where I felt a low, it reminded me of the pain or voids I may have tried to ignore in my day-to-day life through keeping busy and constantly keeping a smile on my face. I’m known for being unabashedly positive and optimistic–sometimes to a fault.
“This is only temporary,” I would tell myself. “I’m learning.”
But that’s where your first loves come in to rescue you. For me, there’s nothing that a damn feel good soulful song or 1980s pop song by The Pretenders, such as “Brass In Pocket (I’m Special),” can’t do. (This song was also featured in Scarlett Johansson’s infamous scene in Lost In Translation, where she dons her pink wig and sings karaoke to this tune.)
Sometimes you just wanna wear a pink wig, blast some music and dance around because it makes you feel good.
As a reminder (to myself and maybe you): always make time for the things that uplift and excite you again. I have had the tendency to work too hard and work too often that I was neglecting my real career goals and dreams. But, when something is telling you that you should do something or go somewhere, listen to it. That feeling could lead you to the next crazy or great chapter of your life.
Believe in your love, radiate your love, share your love and remember to open yourself up to your love as well–in whatever way that love presents itself to you.
With love and honesty,
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The other day, I realized just how hard it is for me to feel fully present in my day-to-day life. I believe that everything is temporary–my situations, my job, my living status. Everything to me, is just temporary. A dear friend once told me, "You're one of those girls who's been told you were special your whole life, but you never believed it." Maybe I'm just scared of opening up because I'm scared of someone seeing me and not feeling the same way about me. Of not thinking I'm special anymore. ♡ #brassinpocket #special #confession #temporary #moment #present #sparkle #sundaynightvibes #growth