“Forty below driving on deathly icy roads,” the song opens up. “Backseat is full of clothes” and I’m driving down the I-5 without a care in the world — just the open road and endless possibilities in front of me.

It’s strange to say that I started off the new year with an overwhelming amount of zest and enthusiasm for change — to counteract all the inaction I did in the past year — only to find myself within the past few days feeling lost, confused and maybe a little blind-sided.

Conversations with friends made me realize my plans weren’t concrete; conversations with loved ones made me realize I’m “at bay” with everything in my life; nothing is set in stone; nothing is pulling me anywhere or to anything. I’m on my own with my own thoughts, dreams and desires, and that can naturally get a little overwhelming.

Kate Earl’s “Officer” has got to be one of the most feel-good jam songs I have ever heard (it’s an oldie made with Mike Einziger, Jose Pasillas and Ben Kenney of Incubus). My desire to share more of my work naturally led me to this song as it’s been on my bucket list for years (and is as feel-good as I was feeling!).

In moments of weakness — in running away, getting away, searching or looking for some sort of answer — it’s easy to turn to others. Others may have been seeking me out for my light, but I’ve realized I’ve been giving too much of myself for their advantage while neglecting my own soul’s work.

“I’m not drunk I wanna go home officer,” the song goes on. “It’s been a long road and I feel awful.”

As much as we’d all like direction in our lives, we’re all just figuring it out along the way. Every day is a process of becoming more and more prepared for when the right opportunity comes. Trust the timing of your life; control what you can for what’s in front of you. I may be confused in what direction to go, what pursuits to take on or even how to answer to my own heart’s desires in love and relationships, but I just gotta go with it — let things come as they may and laugh at whatever messes I create in my head.

I’m not drunk. I’m just trying to find home, wherever and whoever it is I can feel most at home.

With love and honesty,

Rachel

P.S. If you didn’t know, I am on a mission to publish new videos at least once every two weeks. That means I am open to song suggestions, collaborations, video locations, you name it! If you’ve any ideas, please share and let me know.