Spring Awakening

“Change is the only constant in this life.”

I’ve been in a period of spring awakening — fitting, because as the seasons change so do I. With all the soul searching and purging I had done in my winter hibernation and new birth year, I feel as if I’m coming anew.

“I feel like there’s a part of me that’s changing,” I wrote in early February. “That internal pull of who you were versus who you’re becoming … I’ve experienced a lot, seen a lot, and accomplished much more than I often give myself credit for. Now I am coming into my own.”

My only wish for this year was to allow myself the opportunity to fully lean in — lean into my heart, my desires, my goals, my dreams, my truth. For most of my young life, I spent my time building the dreams of others, gaining experience and building character through throwing myself into a big city with people from all walks of life different from my own. I learned, I laughed, I struggled, I cried, I broke my own heart and learned to mend it on my own. I learned to voice my opinion and how to better stand up for myself in the face of friendships, relationships, work and career. I built backbone.

I had so much inner strength, wisdom and curiosity that could heal, move and empower the ones around me who I so carefully let into my life; yet I sat on it all, with my own potential, frustrated with the inner blockages I had created for myself as a blocked artist.

The point of life is to change, to grow, to evolve. As someone who has always followed her heart and intuition, I’ve embraced and opened myself up to what the world had in store for me. I’ve listened to all those internal pulls to guide me. As change is inevitable, it’s important to make sure you’re always changing for the better. And I believe I am.

“She doesn’t need anyone to be around for the sake of not being alone. She’s already a vibe by herself.”

For as long as I’ve written on this blog, I’ve shared my series of reflections and revelations. The written word has always been my mode of expression, and I found myself in it, through it, alongside you readers who have been with me along the way.

My love for life, for others, and for myself, has led me to some of the most beautiful moments in my life. Without it and without that trust in myself, in following my heart, and in having faith that it would always lead me to where I was meant to go, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

And finally, as I feel I’ve written and scavenged and searched and looked for all those feelings of home, belonging, love, life and meaning for all my life, I’m coming undone.

My strong preservation of peace of mind, sanity, being sacred with my time and energy, and always giving myself grace as I navigate life, has allowed me to live with so much love and light. “Learning how to leave people alone and go on with your life is a needed skill,” I read. “You must master it,” and I believe it.

“I fall in love with people’s passion, the way their eyes light up when they talk about the thing they love and the way they fill with light.”

The new season that awaits us is exciting. I feel this newfound energy of hope, excitement, badassery and empowerment. It’s as if I’ve been waiting for myself to show up for myself my entire life… and I’m finally on the verge. A chrysalis, in bloom.

The saying, “People don’t remember what you say or what you did, but how you made them feel” is a motto I’ve taken up for most of my life. That soulful, emotional, real energetic feeling is something I feel so strongly and only hope to mirror back to others.

As the seasons change and we move into this new month, may we continue to keep blooming and growing more and more into our selves, letting our layers shed (literally and figuratively). I’m letting go of what no longer is for me, and getting out of my own damn way.

I’ve found that with any change, it all begins in the mind — whatever it is. You have to wholeheartedly feel it and believe it in yourself, first, in order for it to become your reality. You are what you attract. You attract what you are. You deserve better, hun. You’ve always deserved better. Believe it. Never settle. Be gentle on yourself. And let yourself shine. Show the hell up.

With love and honesty,

Rachel

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