April took me to all parts of the world (or California, I should say).
I had just settled into my first month in the heart of Los Angeles.
I had found myself packed up and on the campgrounds at Coachella.
And then I found myself driving to the “edge of the world” at Big Sur and Monterey, seeing sites I’ve never seen, making me feel as if I were in another country (New Zealand perhaps?).
Safe to say, I feel I’ve grown tired of the way my life has been going. For months, I’ve been stuck in old thought patterns, old energies, holding onto lost causes, relationships, and a fear and disbelief in myself I had never had before.
I felt like I was constantly being drained, and my natural thriving and creative soul felt suffocated. I’ve been itching for change, itching to find my grind again, itching to find that hustle in me that got me going and loving my life in the first place!
They say 2018 was the tough year for us all — and here I am in 2019 to shed of all the old energies to grow more and more into my truest, most loving sense of self.
My Coachella experience was actually lovely (I wrote an entire blog post about that here), and it got me to re-living and re-loving my life, grateful and thankful for the experiences I have and the opportunities I have to be able to work for and at these events (after all, I’m your biggest music lover and fan, and I never thought I’d see myself at a crazy festival like that).
With the new changes and shifts I’ve been feeling — from a relearned desire and focus to support myself first and foremost financially with all the work gigs and jobs I could find, and even a feeling in my heart to make more room for what’s meant for me, for what truly makes my soul and heart happy and come alive, and just live in my truth instead of what others may expect of me — I needed a change (and sometimes that comes with a haircut, when you feel your hair is old and dragging you down and doesn’t necessarily “feel” like you anymore; so comes the first haircut in two years since before leaving home!).
From five days at Coachella came five days on the road on the coasts of California on an impromptu work and road trip being the “brand ambassador” for running I am with my dear friend Regina, whose conversations, moments and “psychic” talks we’ve shared have just opened my eyes to my truth and the ways of the world. It was fun breathing in the fresh Monterey air, the beauty of the San Francisco Bay Area, the gorgeous sites, the wide ocean and mountain breezes, and getaway just to come alive again (even though my homebody-self has become a bit exhausted from weeks away from home).
But, my hustle and grind came to me in the most heartwarming way:
“I don’t normally like to openly share things like this, but… As I calculated my final income and expenses for the past month, I am so thrilled to find that I am IN THE GREEN. I spent the past year struggling so much when it came to my financial reality, but these past months of pushing hard and gigging everywhere have really paid off, and it feels so good to see that.
For my entire life, I’ve tried to survive on just me and my naive lofty dreams, and for the first time since I’ve moved to LA, I’m staying afloat. And it feels good to finally see it all come together.
Just praying to keep this momentum going.”
I know I’ve a long ways to go. And perhaps I am still figuring myself out. But it’s good to remember and keep yourself in check along the way of why you came here, what you came here for, and how you have to have a strong and steady heart and strong and steady base of friends and relationships around you to keep yourself going.
I’ve learned just how important those relationships are in the past year (and how you have to keep your boundaries straight within yourself). Who I was when I first packed my car into my little car is completely different from the person I am today.
I’ve had to let go of a lot of my innocence, and it isn’t easy for me to say, admit, or own up to that. But it’s true. And I had to learn this all the hard way.
But I can say that I know myself a lot better now. And through the people I meet, the people who decide to pursue me, who try to stay in my life, who spend sleepless nights with me or an innocent moment of embrace, to a genuine laugh or conversation where our hearts just seem to align and our creative souls and spirit just seem to coincide…
Thank you. We’re all in this together.
With love and honesty,
View my past video blogs below:
Twentysix and Beginning Again 3/2019
I’m Stuck, Babe 2/2019
Back To The Velvet Underground 1/2019
Coming Up Roses 12/2018
In My Feels 11/2018
Through Thick And Thin 10/2018
The Last Hurrah 9/2018
Breaking Down to Break Through 9/2018
You Get What You Give 8/2018
Summer Daze 8/2018
Back To You and Hometown Takeaways 7/2018
Young, Reckless and Loving It 6/2018
In A New Light 5/2018
You Give Me That Wicked Love 4/2018
Forever On The Road 2/2018
One Sky, Six Months 12/2017
Looking For You, Five Months In 11/2017
Quarter Month Crisis 10/2017
Third Month’s the Charm 9/2017
I Adjusted Month Two 8/2017
I Survived One Month 7/2017
One Week Out 6/2017