Midsummer Wanderers

There’s something about the summer how things seem to slow down, days become longer, nights become warmer, and you loosen up a little. You forgive yourself a little more for sleeping in a little extra, or for taking that extra pint of ice cream home, or for wandering at the park or shopping center bookstore for hours on end, a bit longer than you expected.

Two years (and one month) ago I left home to follow my bliss. My curiosity for the world and new experiences brought me to some of the most interesting experiences, places and people — all fit for a movie!

I always feel like I am on some continuous journey, and every month I sit down to write this post, I hope for something new, brilliant or exciting to share. A new change? A newfound realization? A job? A relationship? Someone I met? Something I’ve done?

At the end of the day, I’m just a young 26-year-old female living in Los Angeles and finding my way. I’m living my life and following my bliss and yeah, lots of things are in the works but… I’ve finally learned to take it easy. I’ve learned to let go and just be. I used to find a lot of my self-worth in the things I’ve done, the things I’ve seen and the things I’ve accomplished, and for someone who’s always chased and chased and pursued things to make things happen and find meaning out of things, I’ve found peace in just letting life happen. To slow down, to feel, to create, to make and find relationships and really know what the hell it is I’m trying to talk or write about. Life’s happening right now, and every single moment and every single passing day can’t be returned. I might as well make the most of it, ya?

July was my first full month back in Los Angeles after three or so months of traveling back and forth to the Bay Area (and even staying the whole month of June). Finding my footing and settling into a routine again with my heart tugging in different places always takes a little time (see last month’s post here), but I think I’ve finally got a hold of my “traveler’s soul.”

View this post on Instagram

When you take the longest break from seeing live shows… and you find yourself being invited to go to shows with friends, or in a room where you feel like you're supporting a best friend on that stage. That's how you know things have changed. I used to hate being bored because I thought that meant I wasn’t doing enough or was lazy. Now I’ve realized when we’re bored that’s usually when our imagination gets to be free. ✨✨ So I don’t worry so much about filling my time with meaningless things. Really do what matters. That’s what life’s all about. When you go on chasing those dreams, don't forget to enjoy these times and the ones standing by your side, seeing you up there, glad to see you live and thrive. Life’s been such a happy daze lately. And I’m happy to have finally gotten here. 🙃 📸 #portrait #poolside #summer #summerdaze #lazysummer #pooldaze #goldenhour #rachelannc #myposewhenidontwannatakeaphotolol

A post shared by Rachel Ann Cauilan (@rachelcansea) on

Summer nights with a BYOB picnic with a friend for my first time at the Hollywood Bowl with Leon Bridges, to a night seeing the badass that is Billie Eilish again with a concert buddy, to summer barbecues with new friends, gal pals, pool days, impromptu concert-hopping and Hollyweird nights, texts with Bahari, joining Anna Akana‘s band, Alabama Hannah, countless free movie screenings, meets with boys and people who recognize me in public places while my friends get such a kick out of it (I still have yet to get used to people approaching me and feeling their nerves creep up!), to new friends and old and being treated to weekends to wine-and-dine just because people care the hell about you, to even seeing friends perform and you feel like you’re in a different boat now… It’s been fun.

I spent my last weekend in July with an impromptu weekend’s getaway in San Diego, as my high school best friend let me crash and “Airbnb” his studio apartment for the weekend. I spent the weekend reconnecting with my brother, some old Meg & Dia friends from the past eight or so years from the Bay, walked into a shrine of a Ryan Gosling bathroom that made me so damn giddy, enjoyed yummy tiki cocktails, the most bomb seafood tacos and a nice beer under the summer sun and a sandy beach to share. I met a couple East Coast travelers at the pier in San Diego. I felt the sand in my toes and ocean breeze through my hair and felt just so damn peaceful. These are the things we live for, right?

My anticipation and excitement for seeing Meg & Dia reunited, eight whole years later, and sharing a brief conversation with them, meant a whole lot more to me than I expected. I hadn’t realized how long it’s been, how much growth I’ve gone through since the last I’ve seen them (mainly Meg, my unsaid guru in life!), and how things have changed but not changed at the same time. Talks with Carlo and his new baby, his wife, Jonathan and Vil, were nice.

Me as I walk up to Meg & Dia: “Hi!”
[Goes in for a hug]
Meg: “It’s so good to see you!”
Me: “I know it’s been so many years! I haven’t seen you since I was still in college…”
Dia: “Oh I see you around all the time, ha!”
Me: “This is my brother Anthony.”
[Points to my brother]
Dia: “Yeah I remember him from last week! He mentioned you.”
Me: “Yeah I was like why mention me?! Haha.”

Simply put, it was a nice reminder that I’m not a kid anymore. Who I was at 18 to 21 just graduating college, to now at 26… That’s a whole lot of life. And seeing myself reflected through them, just because I had listened and found a relation to their lives and stories ever since I was 12-years-old, is amazing.

But beside that, I’ve been in a bit of a cave lately flexing my creative muscle and learning to really take the time to discipline myself to learn, focus, and write — a song, to produce, to get creative. Even if it’s just for me, that’s enough, because I’ve got to get it in myself in the first place, ya?

For someone who has always gone her own way and felt comfortable being on her own, I’ve learned to let people in a little more — learn to open myself up, share experiences, go out with people, do more things with others and just really take the time to cherish and value those people and friendships in my life who really add something (and I to theirs, I’d hope).

Just living and wandering and creating and writing and being a good person to those along the way… Where you can speak your voice, voice your thoughts, share your love, and not get so caught up in this “system” that drags us all down, but use it to leverage us all. That’s all there is to it, right? (Thank you OITNB, ha.)

There’s not much else I wish to say, but I hope this vlog recap of the past month speaks for itself.

“American Spirit” by Meg & Dia speaks such great lengths to me, simply because, why the hell do I find so much of myself in these lyrics?

I won’t stop searching ’til I find it
Lost like memories when I was a kid
Is it in crystals or a sound bath
All the things I dreamt up, but I never did? …
They say it’s all in meditation
But when I sit still, I’m afraid what I’ll find
Am I gonna get better?
Did I drink the Kool-Aid?
Am I looking in all the wrong places?
Is my body just space?
I got that American Spirit
It’s searching for what I can’t find
I’m looking in holy rivers
I pray that she’ll show me a sign

Once a wanderer, always a wanderer. Always finding, seeking, searching and meditating…

With love and honesty, always,

Rachel


View my past video blogs below:
Two Years Later and Summer Beginnings 6/2019
Something About The Fire, and Something About Us
 5/2019
Shedding and Movement 4/2019
Twentysix and Beginning Again 3/2019
I’m Stuck, Babe 2/2019
Back To The Velvet Underground 1/2019
Coming Up Roses 12/2018
In My Feels 11/2018
Through Thick And Thin 10/2018
The Last Hurrah 9/2018
Breaking Down to Break Through 9/2018
You Get What You Give 8/2018
Summer Daze 8/2018
Back To You and Hometown Takeaways 7/2018
Young, Reckless and Loving It 6/2018
In A New Light 5/2018
Wandering 5/2018
You Give Me That Wicked Love 4/2018
Rediscovered 3/2018
Twentyfive 3/9/2018
Forever On The Road 2/2018
Beginnings 1/2018
One Sky, Six Months 12/2017
Looking For You, Five Months In 11/2017
Quarter Month Crisis 10/2017
Third Month’s the Charm 9/2017
I Adjusted Month Two 8/2017 
I Survived One Month 7/2017
One Week Out 6/2017

 

Advertisements

One response to “Midsummer Wanderers

  1. Have you seen all of Anna Akana’s videos and work? She reminds me of you since she’s this ambitious, fierce powerhouse doing about 100 million things a day and still slays at everything ❤️

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s